If And When


I am in a season of life right now that is far from easy. I have spent the past few days just feeling run down, exhausted and ready to give up. Have you ever felt that way? Like nothing is okay and you no longer have the energy to even pretend like it is.

I feel stuck. Like I’m living in a grey area that prevents me from moving forward even when I have no desire to go back. I’ve felt this way countless times in the past. That limbo that comes into existence when God tells you to wait on Him and you don’t want to.

So much has happened over the past 6 years. God has taken me through one big trial after another, and each one in the end has moved me closer to who He has called me to be. I know I’ve changed drastically and my faith has really grown, but that change has come at a cost. And the trials have taken their toll.

This morning was awful. I haven’t been sleeping much and it never feels like I have enough hours in the day. The enemy has been whispering in my ear that I am inadequate, unlovable and less than (fill in the blank). I’ve been playing the comparison game and thinking if only I could have this like so and so. Or I will be fine when my life looks like this. This is one of the dangers in the social media filled world we all live in. You see everyone else’s highlight reel and assume it’s what their whole life is like. You don’t see the mess behind the scenes. You just see them happy and smiling and seemingly perfect.

Has God given me a tough road to walk? Yes He has. But has He given me beautiful mercies each and every day? Yes He has. I just have to remember to open my eyes and see them!

I might not feel grateful for the tragedy I’ve faced in this moment. I might feel exhausted and lacking. But I serve a God who will continue to do big things if I will step back and trust Him to use my story to change the world.

The Olivia Caldwell Foundation is a 501c3 nonprofit that raises money for pediatric cancer research. We have given $155,000 to pediatric cancer research since October 2013 and were nominated for “Organization Of The Year” for the Casper Chamber of Commerce in April 2017. You can learn more and donate by visiting www.oliviacaldwellfoundation.org.


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