There seems to be a common theme in my life these days. I am reminded daily of the need to let go of the old in order to make room for the new.

It’s taken a long time and a lot of prayer to begin to embrace this idea. I am someone who desperately wants to have control. I want to believe that I can make things go a certain way with careful actions and prayer. I’ve had to learn the hard way that I’ve never had control. Control is in fact a complete illusion.

As I have begun to surrender to this idea I’ve found there is real freedom in letting go. When I no longer have to strive for constant “perfection” I am free of having to pretend I am always okay. This has given me the freedom to grieve my daughter with more honesty. I can cry freely. I can speak more honestly about what it’s really like to live without one of my children. I can also take the time to have a “down day” without feeling guilty about it.

I am also starting to accept and embrace this new chapter in life. The future is scary sometimes; terrifying in fact! But when I remember I am not in control and was never meant to be, it makes it much easier to surrender and enjoy the ride. I don’t have it all figured out, but I’m not meant to.

Letting go means I can more fully enjoy my children. I can embrace the crazy that comes from being a single, working mom to two wild boys. I can find my true identity in Jesus instead of my current circumstances. Does that mean I enjoy each moment of every day? Absolutely not! But I’m more able to breathe, embrace where I am right now and take the next step forward in this crazy life.

The Olivia Caldwell Foundation is a 501c3 nonprofit that raises money for pediatric cancer research. Since 2013 we have given $155,000 to pediatric cancer research and $8,500 in gift cards to pediatric oncology patients at Children’s Hospital Colorado. You can learn more and donate by visiting www.oliviacaldwellfoundation.org.