For more years then I care to count I lived in an alternate reality. It was built around a need to display a false sense of perfection and happiness. I was so worried about protecting the feelings and emotions of everyone else around me and our public image that I refused to let myself feel... Continue Reading →
The Momma, The Lion
Something strange happens when you become a momma. Your life as you knew it melts away. It is no longer about you. Your needs, wants, dreams, everything slips into the background. Suddenly your life is 100% about this beautiful little person. That is only magnified when you have a sick child. I became a first... Continue Reading →
Butterflies & Beauty
Five years ago I visited the Butterfly Pavilion in Denver, Colorado with my (now) ex-husband, my Dad, brother, and our twins, Wyatt & Olivia. This family excursion took place during one of our trips to Denver so Olivia could continue treatment for her second bout with brain cancer. I didn't know it then but that... Continue Reading →
The Rainbow
Before I even knew Olivia was going to die I had a deep desire for another baby. My pregnancy with the twins and their first months of life had been really tough. I longed for another opportunity to carry a baby, hoping with all I had for a better experience. When Livy died from brain... Continue Reading →
A New Kind Of Perfect
For so many years I lived a kind of double life. On the outside it looked like I had it all together. Yes, I had lost my only daughter to cancer. But I was "thriving." I ran a successful nonprofit that grew more each day. I had the perfect marriage. I simply wasn't going to... Continue Reading →
A New Season
Lately I've been feeling stuck in a kind of twilight zone. I've been living with part of my heart in the past while the rest of me has moved on towards the future. I've been walking on eggshells trying desperately to avoid upsetting the balance between my old life and the new as I take... Continue Reading →
Piece By Piece
The day I lost my only daughter, Olivia, to brain cancer my heart shattered. Something deep inside of me broke. And ever since that awful moment on October 22, 2013 I have been living as an incomplete person. She was part of me and living without her now just doesn't feel right. For 4 years... Continue Reading →
Beauty In The Mud
It's been 4 years baby girl. Four years since I got to hold you or feel your sweet little lips on my cheek. Four years since I heard your laugh or have been able to run my fingers through your beautiful brown hair. And I miss it all. I miss you. My anxiety has been... Continue Reading →
Don’t Forget The I Love You
October is by far my least favorite month of the entire year. It is a month that has been filled with tragedy and heartbreak for me. The 22nd of October is the day my daughter died. And this year marks 4 years since she took her last breath in my arms at 20 months and... Continue Reading →
