Losing Olivia is the hardest thing I have ever had to live with. Not only did this beautiful little girl grow inside of me for 9 months, but I spent every day caring for her during the 20 months and 3 days she lived on this earth. I was with her nearly every waking moment, attending to her every need. There were many days when my every thought revolved around her; her treatment, her well being, her happiness. Losing her and having to live with that giant hole in my life was soul crushing.
I heard a quote on the radio yesterday that said, “Grief is the final act of love.” Those words struck me because they hold such truth. Tremendous grief comes from tremendous love.
And I have found that we all grieve differently. And that grief tends to look different each and every day for anyone who has lost someone so close to them. Three years since Liv passed away I have some days when I live through my grief by putting every ounce of my energy into this wonderful foundation in her name. Other days I need to spend time talking about memories of her with friends or family. And at other times I simply need to retreat and let out the tears that I have been choking down.
I grieve and I live my life hoping to honor Olivia’s memory because of how deeply I love her. She is my little girl and I have always taken great pride in being her mommy. And that will never change.
The Olivia Caldwell Foundation is a 501c3 nonprofit that raises money for pediatric cancer research in memory of Olivia Caldwell, who passed away at 20 months old after a 16-month battle with brain cancer. You can learn more and donate by visiting www.oliviacaldwellfoundation.org.