Watching cancer take my daughter’s life was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. It was something I thought I would never survive. She was the greatest gift I’ve ever been given that had to be taken away.
The day Olivia died my heart was crushed, but I also made a choice. I chose in that moment to continue to trust in God and to keep living in hope even after the loss of my only daughter.
My greatest desire for as long as I can remember was to have a daughter of my own. To have that dream come true and then taken away from me should have been enough to break me for good. But the reality is it didn’t.
Olivia’s loss changed me forever. I am not the same person I was before her. I have strength I didn’t know was possible and depths of love I didn’t know existed. God used her to change me. And He used her loss to change me even more. The day I had to surrender my daughter to Him was the day my faith was solidified. It was the day that I decided that truly, no matter what, I would trust in God.
That doesn’t mean life has been easy. I still miss Olivia every single day. I have times when the grief is so intense that it does break me momentarily. Sometimes for days or weeks or even months I can barely function. But He always brings me out of it and reminds me that I will see her again one day when I go Home.
I love my daughter. I hate that I don’t get to watch her grow up. I hate that I only had 20 months and 3 days with the most beautiful person I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. But God has given me the strength to move on. To miss her and love her without losing my hope. And for that I am eternally grateful.
Olivia Caldwell Foundation is a 501c3 nonprofit that raises money for pediatric cancer research. We ask that in honor of Brain Cancer Awareness Month everyone who can donates $3 in honor of the 3 kids that die each day from brain cancer in the U.S. Simply click here to donate. Visit www.oliviacaldwellfoundation.org for more information.
2 thoughts on “A Choice”
Thank You for your firm faith in Jesus!!! Our stories are similar in the fact we both loss very young children and different in what took our children away. Our sweet Oliver went to heaven on September 22, 2013, just one month before your Olivia, he was only 8 months old. He was born with a Congenital Heart Defect. Your post help me because I am dealing with similar feelings. This particular post spoke to me because I always thought I was lacking in faith but I guess I have more than I thought I did because I know my Heavenly Father is the only reason I am still here. He loves me so much and I am so thankful for that. We will keep praying for you guys!!! Emilee
I’m so sorry for your loss Emilee! Your family will be in our prayers too. Happy Mother’s Day!