Time seemed to stand still when I was pregnant with Wyatt and Olivia. It felt like I was going to be pregnant forever and that day would never come when I would hold them in my arms and finally become a mother to two living, breathing, beautiful, amazing human beings.

And now today I take a look at my life and I have been a mother for more than 3 years. I have two living, breathing, handsome little boys that I have the joy of taking care of every day. And then I have a beautiful little girl who left me more than 19 months ago to go to Heaven after a long battle with brain cancer. That hurts my heart more than I will ever be able to adequately express!

Olivia was amazing! She was incredibly strong and so loving. She used to look at me in this way that I just knew I was her world. She loved me! In her eyes I could do no wrong. It didn’t matter that we spent a lot of our time in a hospital room or in our car traveling to various appointments. She just loved being with me, her twin brother, and her daddy. She could find joy in every single moment and in every experience. I admire her for that so much!

Olivia has now been gone longer than she fought for her life with brain cancer. And in just one month she will have been gone longer than she was alive. That thought literally kills me! We have started a new life in Casper with many new friends and none of them ever knew our little girl. They can see her pictures and hear what we have to say about her, but she will never be real to them in the way she is to those that had the joy of meeting her. She is a memory now. And that hurts.

Olivia Caldwell Foundation is a 501c3 nonprofit that raises money for pediatric brain cancer research. All proceeds benefit our neuro-oncology research team at Children’s Hospital Colorado. You can learn more and donate by visiting our website at www.oliviacaldwellfoundation.org.