The day after Christmas I woke up with a familiar ache. My heart longed for my little girl and I spent the whole day in a funk. Nothing and no one made me happy. All I wanted to do was hide under my covers and cry. This is the reality of child loss. Sometimes the … Continue reading Post Holiday Blues
childhood cancer
Waiting For Chaos
Life has been filled with chaos for as long as I can remember. It all started shortly after we got married and made the move to Wyoming from Nevada. That move changed everything. We were newly married and left behind our family, friends, and everything we had ever known to move to a tiny little … Continue reading Waiting For Chaos
Grief – The Final Act Of Love
Losing Olivia is the hardest thing I have ever had to live with. Not only did this beautiful little girl grow inside of me for 9 months, but I spent every day caring for her during the 20 months and 3 days she lived on this earth. I was with her nearly every waking moment, … Continue reading Grief – The Final Act Of Love
It’s Okay To Not Be Okay
If there's anything I've learned over the course of the last several years, it's that sometimes I am anything but okay. And that in and of itself is okay. Us moms have the tendency to need to be superheroes. We are supposed to be able to handle it all like champions with a smile on … Continue reading It’s Okay To Not Be Okay
The Empty Chair
The holidays are hard. Every year at this time my heart starts to fill with dread. Don't get me wrong. I have a ton to be thankful for. And I absolutely enjoy getting to see my table filled with loved ones. But every year I am also acutely aware that there's an empty chair at the … Continue reading The Empty Chair
I Have 3 Kids
Have you ever been asked how many kids you have? If you have children, odds are you are asked this simple question nearly every day. When you have lost a child, that question becomes uncomfortable, and quite frankly, heartbreaking to answer. You see, God saw fit to make me a mother three times. First, thanks … Continue reading I Have 3 Kids
Beautiful Reminders
There are days that being a grieving parent is so hard that even the simplest tasks feel like too much. Something as easy as getting dressed and brushing teeth can be overwhelming. Those are the days you just want to hide from the weight of it all. It is easier to hide than to face … Continue reading Beautiful Reminders
Should
We've officially made it through yet another October. It is always a month that is jam-packed full of memories and anniversaries and busyness. For our family October isn't just about Halloween and trick or treating. It isn't about pumpkin patches and leaves. It's about remembering the beautiful soul that was our only daughter. She was … Continue reading Should
Because Of Her
When we started the Olivia Caldwell Foundation in November 2013, we were only a month out from her death. The sting of losing her was so fresh and we were searching for some way to give meaning to her loss. We knew we wanted to provide funding for pediatric cancer research to find the cure that … Continue reading Because Of Her
3 Years Later
3 years. Today is 3 whole years since my only daughter died. I barely slept last night as I played the events of October 22, 2013 over and over in my mind. We knew it was coming and for that I am grateful. Olivia was home on hospice care after a 16-month battle with brain … Continue reading 3 Years Later
Beauty From The Ashes 