On November 25th we welcomed our third child, Landon, into the world. He is healthy and incredibly handsome. And he reminds us so much of his big sister in Heaven – our beautiful Olivia.
We dreamed for months before his birth about what he might look like. Something told us that he was going to have Olivia’s dark hair and hazel eyes, which is such a stark contrast to Wyatt’s fair skin, white blonde hair and bright blue eyes. It is such a blessing to see so much of our daughter in our newborn son, but at times it is also very difficult.
There are many times that I have looked down at Landon’s little face when he is sleeping or cuddled up against me and I have to do a double take. He looks so much like Olivia at times that I have to catch myself because I think it’s her. His birth has been so healing for our family but has also opened up wounds that remind me that she really is gone and God willing it will be a long time before I am reunited with her in Heaven.
I watch Wyatt with his little brother and see how much he loves him already. It reminds Brett and I of how he was with his beloved sissy. He was always watching over her. Fussing over her at every opportunity. He doesn’t always understand that he needs to be gentle and of course it is hard having to share the attention of mommy and daddy again, but he most certainly missed having a sibling here on earth.
And watching the bond of our two boys makes me wonder what Olivia would have been like with Landon. Would she have nurtured him? Would she have been jealous or incredibly welcoming? I wish that I could have seen all three of our kids together even just one time here on earth.
This Christmas our family has a new life to celebrate and for that we are eternally grateful. We love our two little boys more than words can adequately express. But it doesn’t take away the sting of the daughter that we are always missing. And the reminder of what childhood cancer stole from our family.
Olivia Caldwell Foundation is a 501c3 nonprofit that raises money for pediatric brain cancer research. All proceeds benefit our neuro-oncology research team at Children’s Hospital Colorado. To learn more or to make a tax deductible donation please visit our website at www.oliviacaldwellfoundation.org.